Two Extremes

As you can see that I had a big break after my last post, several things were going on in my life. Most important thing was that my kids are growing up and they want more time, attention and effort to deal with them. My both sons are two extremes.

As I have written in my Computer Stimming Series posts, it was very difficult to deal with both the kids altogether. Still Tanishk likes all the electronic gadgets and can keep himself busy in stimming.  Still, it is very difficult to motivate him to do something else as he has not much interests. He doesn't want to learn anything, just wants to pressing something - buttons on TV, Computer, Fan, Microwave, Gadgets, anything. He is verbal. He is smart. To get these things, he can manipulate us. He comes to us only to get whatever he wants. He is not withdrawn kind of kid, but he is not interested in anything until unless he can get gadget in return. He is not curious at all.

My other son Tanay is extreme case of his brother. Tanishk doesn't want to do anything. Tanay wants to learn everything. Tanishk runs away from the puzzles, books, activities. Tanay wants to do more & more. Tanishk has no imagination, he repeats only whatever he has learnt from videos, TV, teachers and parents. Tanay has got a great imagination, he can make his own stories. Tanishk doesn't take interest in anything and doesn't want to know about anything. He doesn't have any curiosity. Tanay is a curious kid. I have named him as "Curious George". Tanay wants to play with his brother, and Tanishk pushes him back as he doesn't want him to come in his way.

Major Behavioral Updates

My sons - Tanishk (6 yrs old) & Tanay (2 yrs old) are having very different personalities. But, they both are great in their own ways. They both are handsome, lovely, affectionate and joyful. One year before I posted about interaction between them - Tanishk With His Little Brother. In this one year, they have got developed new skills and behaviors. Tanay is very particular about things. He fights with his brother for things and he doesn't want to share anything. Tanishk also fights for things he wants.

I was reading last year's posts when I started this blog - Tanishk, Tanishk's Birthday and Major Behavioral Changes. Tanishk has now started to understand his environment and other things. He now understands what is said to him. He has got new skills in writing words & numbers. He is now working on comprehension skills and recalling events. He has got more eye contact, calmness. He now listens carefully and does the task with his attention.

Tanishk has changed a lot. Now, he is so much aware of the environment. Sometimes, he also comments on things going on in his environment. The comments are not so often, but they are very appropriate. He is sometimes very much stubborn, but all kids are like that. Throwing tantrums and meltdowns are very less. He listens and understands most of the things, but he is not sure that how to react.

Both brothers fight with each other, but also like each other. First time I saw Tanishk to observe somebody. He observes his brother and tries to do the same thing. Two days back, they were fighting for playing with a red car. They wanted the same thing. First I told them to share the car. But they don't understand. I taught them to take turns - Everyone had chance to have car when I am counting till 10 and then give. Then they themselves started counting till 10 and gave car to each other. Next day, they were fighting for another toy. I heard that Tanishk was counting till 10 and he gave the toy to Tanay himself. He didn't get any prompts. He himself initiated and I was amazed.

In last 2 months, there were more incidents where Tanishk was behaving appropriately. He seems more connected and was talking nicely. I have mentioned one of those events in my last post - Hi Neera. He has also started to show his new interests. He likes to stand outside and watch all the cars. He likes to play basket ball. He sits in the library very nicely. He himself chooses the books to read. One day, we were in the car and I was sitting on the backseat with him. He looked at me and he was smiling continuously. There was a light in his eyes. I was also smiling at him. It seemed he was saying - "Mumma, don't worry. I am here with you. Just don't give up." I feel very proud of him.

Locked Up

On Friday afternoon, a very small incident was happened. I was busy in something. My elder son Tanishk was sleeping. My 2 yr old son Tanay went to the bathroom. He was talking a lot. I thought, he is lying down with his brother and talking to him. I went to see what's going on. I saw that he was not on the bed. I called him; he was locked up in the bathroom. He had locked his door from inside. He wasn't aware that he has locked him up. He was saying in his regular voice - "Mumma, open the door".

I was scared but I didn't want to be panic. I thought Tanay will get scared. I calmed down myself and asked him to turn the knob. He was listening, but he didn't understand. I bent on my knees and tried to see through the space under the door. He was standing far away from the door. I just told him to come to the door. He came. I told him to turn the knob. He turned it. He was unlocked. I got relief. He was playing - "Knock knock".

This incident reminded me the incident happened when Tanishk was 3 years old and he had locked him up in his aunt's room. He is always fascinated about his aunt's things - cosmetics, jewelry etc. No one noticed when he entered into the room and had locked himself there. When we realized, we told him to open the door. He was lost in something. Every one called him, shouted - "Turn the knob, open the door". He just repeated the words - "open the door".

My hubby went on the roof to the room's window to tell him to open the door. But he wasn't aware of his presence. He wasn't listening to anyone. We all were very much scared. He was inside more than one hour. He himself was not scared and afraid. He was just lost in doing something. What is he doing inside? What to do? Should we break the door or call for help?

His aunt called 911 to get help. The police came. Everyone thought that they will break the door. I don't remember what he did actually. He just pushed the door back and door was opened. Tanishk was standing there without his pants on and he was playing with his aunt's cosmetics. He had spread her face powder on the floor.

I think even today when he is now 6 years old, he won't open the door. He will just get lost and will be happy that he is not disturbed by somebody until unless he needs something. That was one of the major experiences we have with autism. :)

Tanay's Birthday

2 Dec 2011. Tanay has completed his 2 years of life. We planned to have birthday party for him and to invite 3-4 neighborhood kids. But with passage of time, Tanishk's behaviors were worsened and we were not sure how will he behave when children will come in the party. I knew that Tanay will enjoy the party, but still he doesn't have idea about the birthday. So, we decided not to have any party.

I decided to bake the cake myself. So, I thought about it thoroughly. I wanted to make something new which no one has eaten earlier. First I thought, I should make the chocolate cake, but I made chocolate cake on Tanishk's birthday and I wanted this time very much different.

Finally, I baked a pineapple cake. I didn't know it, that it will be so yummy. Yes, indeed pineapple cake is very delicious to eat. But why did I chose the pineapple cake? There is a reason behind it. That is the different story in my next post Major Behavioral Changes. Just now, I know that Pineapple has proteolytic enzyme, bromelain, which breaks down protein.

So, I baked two round pineapple cakes, and then I applied frozen gluten free frosting on one cake. That was leftover, so was enough to cover only one cake. I put other cake on the cake with frosting. I made new frosting - Coconut Cream Frosting sweetened with Agave. Then I applied it on the cake and above of that I decorated the cake with slivered almonds. Then, pineapple cake with coconut cream frosting was ready to cut.

Pineapple cake with coconut cream frosting and decorated by slivered almonds

Tanay has blown the candle & is ready to cut the cake

Half of the cake is already finished

Both kids were happy to see the cake and wanted to touch it. Tanishk was saying again & again "I want to blow the candle & cut the cake". We told him that Tanay will cut the cake as it's his birthday. Tanay was also happy to see the cake but it was new for him. He tried to blow the candle and he cut the cake with help of his father.

Tanishk was so excited that he wasn't sitting still. He ate the cake & liked the cake. He was asking for more cake. Overall his behavior was good. He also wished "Happy Birthday" to Tanay. He was repeating sentence after 2-3 days - "It's Tanay's birthday". Tanay also liked the cake. I was happy to see my kids happy. :)

Summer Vacations

I was worried that how will I manage two kids during Tanishk's vacations. Tanishk is not easy to handle. Both of the kids are now very active and they need something to do every time. Tanay can play appropriately with the toys and most of the time he keeps busy himself. But Tanishk doesn't play appropriately and he asks for the gadgets every time - TV, Video, Computer, ITouch, IPad, Phone and he is stuck to the screen. Else he will demand to go outside and I alone can't take two kids outside. Tanishk runs here & there and can go far away from me.

I am happy that I was able to manage with the help of activity schedule and reward system taught by PCDI. It was not so simple, but that helped me organizing the activities for Tanishk and Tanay. Whole day - keeping them busy, homework activities, creating new activities, correcting bad behaviors, giving rewards, minimizing their time with the screen for very limited time, teaching them play appropriately, data collection, changing choices everyday for variety, bathing and feeding them, cooking, cleaning, laundry and also avoid their conflict with each other. Oops - so much.

Everyday I made a schedule for Tanishk and told him to follow start from the morning. I wrote all the available rewards on the white board. I daily changed the rewards for variety and to avoid him stuck on one thing. I avoided computer totally as a reward as he stims most of the time. I noticed that he watches anything on TV, Video, Computer for only the patterns, color changes and also repeating their dialogues. He doesn't answer any questions related to the story shown in the video.

At school, he doesn't get any free time less structured. But, at home, he gets most of the time unstructured as he doesn't know what to do when I am busy with Tanay. He just climbs on the sofa, table, and also plays with the gadgets, buttons, plug-points. He doesn't comply easily as he is distracted by what Tanay is doing. Tanay also tries to come in between us when I am talking to Tanishk. So, I have to keep both of them busy at home.

Tanishk is intelligent, affectionate, easy learning boy. Main problem with him is his focus. He can't keep focus on the activity he is doing. And also he is not able to control his behaviors. He knows when he is doing wrong, he understands gestures and also face expressions. He looks at my face and understands that he has to sit quietly and nicely.

He is a good problem solver. He likes to do puzzles, coloring and also handwriting. He is also good in counting. Now he understands all the instructions. He is particular about what he wants.

But he can't wait for anything. He can't control his behaviors himself. He needs prompts to finish his activity. He is most of the time lost in verbal stimming, scripting, spinning, nail biting, touching his toes, closing his eyes, flapping his hands and moving around here & there. If he is forced to stop the behavior or to do something he really doesn't want to do, he resists, shouts and screams.

So, how did I manage that all? I made the schedule and made him to follow the schedule. I also gave Tanay to do something so Tanay won't disturb him. Everyday, we do homework activities (9-10 activities for the data collection), play activities (bowling game, blocks, jump on trampoline, find game etc.), fun activities (tickle, squeeze, piggy back, upside down, coloring, tracing, TV watching etc.) and also routine activities for the day.

I gave him lots of choices except the computer. TV programs (Dora, Diego, Yo gabba gabba or whatever videos were available with me - he can't watch the same program repeatedly), Snacks (popcorn, cookies, juice, soda, wafers etc.) and also other toys & activities in which he has interest. Everyday, I changed the choices. Every morning, he sees the board interestingly and checks what he can get during the day.

It was very tough task but it became very easy with the guidance given by his teachers at PCDI and also the book Activity Schedules for Children With Autism, Teaching Independent Behavior. This book is very good and helpful. How to deal with the children with behaviors and how to correct them, reward them and teach them, everything is explained in detail. The staff at PCDI is also very good, they are very helpful.

Yes, it all was not an easy task. It takes lots of time and effort to teach him new skills and correct behavior. And also, the most important thing, we should have - patience. It needs lots of patience. Still, I am not perfect and sometimes gets frustrated. But, I have to keep going and not giving up. :)

Now, I am looking forward to his next vacations - Aug 15 to Sept 7. Wish me best of luck.

Tanishk with his little brother

When Tanay was born and came home from the hospital, Tanishk was neutral. He totally ignored Tanay. But sooner he realized that something is changed. We had to protect Tanay as Tanishk was not aware that he can hurt Tanay and he was used to jump anywhere. For Tanishk, Tanay was not a living being. He thought that it's a matter of few days and things will be same like before.

Tanay's sleep was very light. He was used to wake up on every little noise, and Tanishk was used to scream and shout loudly. Still this problem is there. We aren't able to tell Tanishk that his little brother is sleeping and he should not disturb him.

Tanay started to make noises, moving and became active. Tanishk started to realize Tanay's presence. When Tanay cried, Tanishk noticed and he tried to imitate his little brother's crying. As a surprise, he liked Tanay's crying. He also noticed that when Tanay falls down he cries a lot. He started to push him and make him fall down on the floor. He also tried to pull him by hand on the bed's edge and make him fall down.

It was very difficult to tell him that he should not do this. He didn't understand any reasoning. He just knew that if I like something, I should do that. His teacher told us that "Don't make a big deal of it. Just encourage the good behavior. Reinforce every time he shows good behavior."

My husband started to tell him to give kisses to Tanay or give any toy or feed him or play with him. Tanishk showed some resistance but he did for his strong reinforcers. After few time, his pushing behaviors diminished.

Tanay became more active, started to follow Tanishk and trying to touch everything Tanishk is playing with. He wants to do everything what Tanishk is doing. Wherever Tanishk goes, Tanay follows. Tanishk tries to run away from him, but Tanay doesn't give up. Tanishk doesn't want to share anything. That feeling led to another behavior.

Tanishk tries to move Tanay's hands from the things what he doesn't want him to touch. He doesn't want Tanay to share me too. He doesn't let him to play with toys and to jump on the trampoline.

As Tanishk is growing, he has started to understand many things. He knows that few things he does, he shouldn't do. But he can't help it. He tries very hard, but still he is not able to control himself fully. Tanay is also growing up and he loves his brother very much. I hope they will be friends when grown up and will take care of each other.