What is changed?

On 13th May 2014, my son has completed his 8 years of his life. I started this blog in 2011, when he was 5 years old. I was just reading my first post in this blog post Tanishk and was trying to find out what has changed in these 3 years. My son is now 8 but still he does a lot of things same as I mentioned in my first blog.

After my first blog, I have written several posts about his developments and behaviors. I had experienced both - good and bad moments. But when I try to analyze that how far I have come and what did I achieve in these 3 years, I have mixed thoughts in my mind.

When I see my son behaviorally, he is the same boy as he was 3 years ago. He still doesn't want to comply. He runs here and there, he is so hyperactive, doesn't sit still, jumps on trampoline and mattress (now he has company, his brother also jumps with him). He is still gadget freak. I have written series posts about this - Computer Stimming. The difference is that now it has converted into IPad Stimming. (I will write more about IPad stimming in my next posts.) Still he has verbal stimming - keeps saying things he had heard through various sources - TV, Computer, Videos, Therapists, Teachers, Parents, Grandparents etc. Still my most of the time goes in prompting and redirecting him.

First blog post - (He doesn't want to comply. He runs here and there & he is so active that he can't sit still. He jumps every where - on the mattress too. He wants to watch same videos, listen same music, computer on & off, goes into the settings of any gadget and just selecting anything. Flapping his hands and holding things in one hand are still there. If he is given a pencil or pen and left unattended, he will scribble everywhere even on the table or floor too. He has got verbal stimming, he just keeps saying the things he had heard through various sources - TV, Computer, videos, therapists, teachers, parents etc. My all the time goes in prompting and redirecting him.)

When I analyze my son's skills he has learnt in these 3 years -

He has learnt basic skills (brushing teeth, washing hands & face, buttoning his shirt, using microwave and toaster, etc.), reading the books, spelling, writing sentences. math (simple addition), catching the ball, throwing the basketball into the basket, playing wii games, etc. Few skills he is still learning - reading comprehension, tying the shoe laces, skating, riding the bike, scooter, board games etc.

But the thing is that he is not interested in anything and he is not curious about anything. He has learnt everything but does only when told to do so. He himself just wants gadgets (iPad, computer, etc.) and he can sit with them hours. He will just forward videos and continue clicking the buttons to repeat the same dialogue / music / noise / tune. Yes, in between he plays games too - Angry Birds, Cut the rope, Appmates etc., but most of the time he just stims with videos and audio.

He has learnt new behaviors too - He knows that he is doing something wrong. When he starts to stim, he gives us a look like he is telling us that  I am going to do what I want. When we stop him doing anything or restrict the access to something, he starts to shout, scream, bang and hit his younger brother. He has become little bit manipulative too. He knows where the things are kept and starts to search for. He knows what upsets us and he does that knowingly.

I have heard and saw that electronic gadgets are good for these kids. They help them to communicate and learn new skills. But I don't think they are helping him. I tried a lot of apps for him, but no success. He learnt but memorized everything. His mind is full of videos, music, different kinds of noises, dialogues, teachers and parents' words etc. and keeps repeating those things again. Like he is playing video in his mind again & again. In this situation, he is not able to learn anything new. If he learns, it is mechanical or memorized. So, I don't know how far we have to go.

Two Extremes

As you can see that I had a big break after my last post, several things were going on in my life. Most important thing was that my kids are growing up and they want more time, attention and effort to deal with them. My both sons are two extremes.

As I have written in my Computer Stimming Series posts, it was very difficult to deal with both the kids altogether. Still Tanishk likes all the electronic gadgets and can keep himself busy in stimming.  Still, it is very difficult to motivate him to do something else as he has not much interests. He doesn't want to learn anything, just wants to pressing something - buttons on TV, Computer, Fan, Microwave, Gadgets, anything. He is verbal. He is smart. To get these things, he can manipulate us. He comes to us only to get whatever he wants. He is not withdrawn kind of kid, but he is not interested in anything until unless he can get gadget in return. He is not curious at all.

My other son Tanay is extreme case of his brother. Tanishk doesn't want to do anything. Tanay wants to learn everything. Tanishk runs away from the puzzles, books, activities. Tanay wants to do more & more. Tanishk has no imagination, he repeats only whatever he has learnt from videos, TV, teachers and parents. Tanay has got a great imagination, he can make his own stories. Tanishk doesn't take interest in anything and doesn't want to know about anything. He doesn't have any curiosity. Tanay is a curious kid. I have named him as "Curious George". Tanay wants to play with his brother, and Tanishk pushes him back as he doesn't want him to come in his way.

I hate Autism

I love my son. But I hate Autism. 

I feel happy when he smiles and laughs. But I hate Autism.

I feel proud when he comes to me, kisses on my cheeks and says - "Mamma, I love you." But I hate Autism.

I feel proud when he sings a song. But I hate Autism.

I feel proud when he reads, writes, does good academically. But I hate Autism.

I feel proud when he understands everything and listens to me. But I hate Autism.

I feel proud when he solves his problems. But I hate Autism.

I feel proud when he thinks and chooses things. But I hate Autism.
I don't bother if he is different or he thinks different. But I hate Autism.

I love his cute smile and spark in his eyes

I know in my heart that my son has a great potential in him. I am always with him and I feel that he have so much strengths. He is very cute and affectionate. His smile is contagious. He has great eye contact. He speaks and tells us clearly what he wants. He has his own interests and choices. He likes to listen to music and also sings the songs. He likes to play Wii and games on iPad / iPhone. He is hyperactive, energetic and great problem solver.

He is also good academically. He knows reading, writing and coloring. He is average in Maths, but good in puzzles, models and thinking tasks. When he is focused at task, he is at his best. He has good memory and remember roads too.

But when my son is unaware of his environment, I hate Autism. When he is lost with electronic gadgets, I hate Autism. When he can talk but can't do conversations, I hate Autism. When he can't understand reasoning and stuck on something, I hate Autism. When he bites his fingers and hurts himself, I hate Autism. When he doesn't act without prompts (still we have to prompt for everything, even for eating), I hate Autism.  When he wanders aimless and just lost in his own world, I hate Autism. But I love my son very very much.

Differences between Tics, Compulsive Behavior, and Self Stimulation

Here is another post from "Autism Discussion Page". It's a nice explanation of different behaviors shown by kids with autism. -

Differences between Tics, Compulsive Behavior, and Self Stimulation

Are your child’s repetitive behaviors tics, compulsive behaviors, or self stimulation? The repetitive behaviors in all three conditions serve different functions. Tics are a neurologically driven, often involuntary. They can be very jerky, not a smooth rhythmic pattern, and often involuntary. They usually involve motor musclegroups (eye blinking, facial twitching, etc.) or vocal noises, sniffing, throat clearing, or snorting type patterns. Usually the child has multiple motor patterns, and at least one vocal tic. They seem to serve no functional purpose for the child. The child may feel the “urge” coming on, but have very difficult time stopping them. The child do not enjoy the tics, and often feels frustrated in not being able to control them.

A true “compulsive behavior” (as compared to a fixation) is driven by anxiety and often result from “obsessive thoughts”. The person feels driven to do it because of anxiety and will become more anxious if you block it's occurrence. They are aware of and have some control over the behavior, but feel “compelled” to do it, and feel very anxious if they don't do it. They often do not feel good, the child is driven to do it, because they feel anxious if they don’t. The disorder can consist of strong repetitive obsessive thought patterns (intense worries, exaggerated fears, etc.), compulsive behavior patterns (washing hands over and over, repeatedly opening and shutting doors, compulsive orderliness, etc.), or both.

Self stimulation is a more voluntary, controlled sensory seeking to calm and organize the nervous system. These repetitive behavior is used to sooth and calm the nervous system when over-aroused, alert the nervous system when under-aroused, and block out unwanted stimulation when overwhelmed. They usually consist of repetitive “rhythmic” movement, auditory, or visual patterns. Self stimulation is usually a voluntary pattern the child uses to help regulate their nervous system. Usually if the repetitive pattern, is rhythmic in nature, and feels good, it is not tics or OCD, but self stimulatory.