"Autism And A Dad" by Yash Gupta

Initially, when I started writing in this blog in April 2011, I wanted to share my feelings, experiences and knowledge with this world. Writing the blogs helped me to deal with my frustration and stress because of my son's autism. I am not a big writer, but I wrote whatever I felt. I expressed all my feelings, sorrow and joy here. Those were mom's views.

Actually, my husband has a big hand in dealing with autism. He was only the person who found that our son has autism. He came to US early, did all the research here, applied for the early intervention. He was the one who did all the research, paper work, appointments with the doctors, insurance, hiring the therapists, fighting for the private school, visits to the schools and so much.

My husband has written and published a book on this Saturday - "Autism And A Dad". He has explained everything and much more in detailed. We both are working as a team supporting each other. These blog posts are a mother's views, But the book tells how a father thinks about autism world. I hope this book will be a great help for all the people. especially dads.

Please check it out - Autism And A Dad

Two Extremes

As you can see that I had a big break after my last post, several things were going on in my life. Most important thing was that my kids are growing up and they want more time, attention and effort to deal with them. My both sons are two extremes.

As I have written in my Computer Stimming Series posts, it was very difficult to deal with both the kids altogether. Still Tanishk likes all the electronic gadgets and can keep himself busy in stimming.  Still, it is very difficult to motivate him to do something else as he has not much interests. He doesn't want to learn anything, just wants to pressing something - buttons on TV, Computer, Fan, Microwave, Gadgets, anything. He is verbal. He is smart. To get these things, he can manipulate us. He comes to us only to get whatever he wants. He is not withdrawn kind of kid, but he is not interested in anything until unless he can get gadget in return. He is not curious at all.

My other son Tanay is extreme case of his brother. Tanishk doesn't want to do anything. Tanay wants to learn everything. Tanishk runs away from the puzzles, books, activities. Tanay wants to do more & more. Tanishk has no imagination, he repeats only whatever he has learnt from videos, TV, teachers and parents. Tanay has got a great imagination, he can make his own stories. Tanishk doesn't take interest in anything and doesn't want to know about anything. He doesn't have any curiosity. Tanay is a curious kid. I have named him as "Curious George". Tanay wants to play with his brother, and Tanishk pushes him back as he doesn't want him to come in his way.

Mother's Day 2013

Every year we celebrate Mother's Day. I have written about my last two Mother's Days - Mother's Day 2011 and Mother's Day 2012. I feel very good about being mother of two lovely sons. As they are growing up and developing their own personality, I am also enjoying motherhood. Parenting is a very important task of your life and should be kept on priority.

While mothering two kids, I realized how our parents did their best to give us such great values and education as much as they could. Now, it's our responsibility to do the same thing for our kids. It's give and take relation with kids. When we are trying to teach something to them, we also learn so many things. If  we want to get respect from them, we should also treat them with respect. Parents are always models for their kids.

Once you are older enough, you are comfortable with the skills, knowledge and information you got in your younger days. You don't want to learn more. But, when you have kids, you don't have any choice. Being a mother is a hardest role. When you are growing your kids and teaching them life skills, you are also learning from them.

When I was younger and not having kids, I was low tempered and impatient. But, my sons have taught me patience and to spread happiness every where. They are my angels. When they see in my eyes and give me kiss on my cheeks, I feel on top of the world.

What are your experiences??

Mother's Day 2012

13 May 2012, Mother's Day. Whole world was celebrating mother's day. But for me, this mother's day was very very special. This was the day, when my mother was born. And also this was the day, when I became mother first time. I had to celebrate this day.

My mother has three sons & two daughters, and I am 4th one. But I am very far away from her. I am in US and she is in India. I haven't met her since 4 years. I hope I will go to meet her sooner. I miss her very much. She is a very nice lady and I am happy that she has got nice daughters-in-law too. They all respect her very much and she also considers them as her daughters. She is an introvert person and talks very less, but she and I share a lot of talks on phone. 13 May is her birthday too. So, I wish my mother Happy Mother's Day and Happy Birthday.

I also wish my mother-in-law Happy Mother's Day. She is opposite to my mother. She is an extrovert person and also enjoys talking on different things. She is very knowledgeable person and she is there to help every person any time. I respect her very much and she is also nice to me. She loves her grandsons very much and always ready to take care of them.

13 May 2006 was the day when I gave birth to my first son and became a mother. Now, I have two sons and I feel very proud of them. I also celebrated my son's birthday. I wish my son Happy Birthday and myself Happy Mother's Day too. I am very proud and thank God for blessing me with two great mothers and two lovely & affectionate sons.

Me with my sons - Tanishk & Tanay

I wish all the mothers in this world a very Happy Mother's Day. :)

Summer Vacations

I was worried that how will I manage two kids during Tanishk's vacations. Tanishk is not easy to handle. Both of the kids are now very active and they need something to do every time. Tanay can play appropriately with the toys and most of the time he keeps busy himself. But Tanishk doesn't play appropriately and he asks for the gadgets every time - TV, Video, Computer, ITouch, IPad, Phone and he is stuck to the screen. Else he will demand to go outside and I alone can't take two kids outside. Tanishk runs here & there and can go far away from me.

I am happy that I was able to manage with the help of activity schedule and reward system taught by PCDI. It was not so simple, but that helped me organizing the activities for Tanishk and Tanay. Whole day - keeping them busy, homework activities, creating new activities, correcting bad behaviors, giving rewards, minimizing their time with the screen for very limited time, teaching them play appropriately, data collection, changing choices everyday for variety, bathing and feeding them, cooking, cleaning, laundry and also avoid their conflict with each other. Oops - so much.

Everyday I made a schedule for Tanishk and told him to follow start from the morning. I wrote all the available rewards on the white board. I daily changed the rewards for variety and to avoid him stuck on one thing. I avoided computer totally as a reward as he stims most of the time. I noticed that he watches anything on TV, Video, Computer for only the patterns, color changes and also repeating their dialogues. He doesn't answer any questions related to the story shown in the video.

At school, he doesn't get any free time less structured. But, at home, he gets most of the time unstructured as he doesn't know what to do when I am busy with Tanay. He just climbs on the sofa, table, and also plays with the gadgets, buttons, plug-points. He doesn't comply easily as he is distracted by what Tanay is doing. Tanay also tries to come in between us when I am talking to Tanishk. So, I have to keep both of them busy at home.

Tanishk is intelligent, affectionate, easy learning boy. Main problem with him is his focus. He can't keep focus on the activity he is doing. And also he is not able to control his behaviors. He knows when he is doing wrong, he understands gestures and also face expressions. He looks at my face and understands that he has to sit quietly and nicely.

He is a good problem solver. He likes to do puzzles, coloring and also handwriting. He is also good in counting. Now he understands all the instructions. He is particular about what he wants.

But he can't wait for anything. He can't control his behaviors himself. He needs prompts to finish his activity. He is most of the time lost in verbal stimming, scripting, spinning, nail biting, touching his toes, closing his eyes, flapping his hands and moving around here & there. If he is forced to stop the behavior or to do something he really doesn't want to do, he resists, shouts and screams.

So, how did I manage that all? I made the schedule and made him to follow the schedule. I also gave Tanay to do something so Tanay won't disturb him. Everyday, we do homework activities (9-10 activities for the data collection), play activities (bowling game, blocks, jump on trampoline, find game etc.), fun activities (tickle, squeeze, piggy back, upside down, coloring, tracing, TV watching etc.) and also routine activities for the day.

I gave him lots of choices except the computer. TV programs (Dora, Diego, Yo gabba gabba or whatever videos were available with me - he can't watch the same program repeatedly), Snacks (popcorn, cookies, juice, soda, wafers etc.) and also other toys & activities in which he has interest. Everyday, I changed the choices. Every morning, he sees the board interestingly and checks what he can get during the day.

It was very tough task but it became very easy with the guidance given by his teachers at PCDI and also the book Activity Schedules for Children With Autism, Teaching Independent Behavior. This book is very good and helpful. How to deal with the children with behaviors and how to correct them, reward them and teach them, everything is explained in detail. The staff at PCDI is also very good, they are very helpful.

Yes, it all was not an easy task. It takes lots of time and effort to teach him new skills and correct behavior. And also, the most important thing, we should have - patience. It needs lots of patience. Still, I am not perfect and sometimes gets frustrated. But, I have to keep going and not giving up. :)

Now, I am looking forward to his next vacations - Aug 15 to Sept 7. Wish me best of luck.

Mother's Day 2011

8 May is mother's day. I love my mother very much and I appreciate her what she did for her five children. I respect her not because she is my mother, she is very kind and humble lady. She stayed very strong in tough times too. She did not leave her own values and didn't make difference between her five children. I feel very happy when my mother confides in me and tells her true feelings. My mother is my best friend.

My mother

Today, I am also mother of two sons. Tanishk & Tanay. Regardless of any differences in them, I love both equally. Tanishk is ASD kid and 5 years old. He is different, but still he is cute, lovable, affectionate kid in his own way. Tanay is a typical kid and 17 months old. He is also a very cute and affectionate boy.

Before having kids I used to think that how will I manage and look after my kids. I didn't have any knowledge. But with a great support of my Mother-in-law and my husband it became possible. When Tanishk was diagnosed as autistic, everyone in the family was there to support me.

When my both kids come to me and hug me, kiss me, play with me, look for me, want something from me and give a lovely smile, I feel satisfied and happy somewhere in me. Sometimes I feel very much frustrated, stressed, angry when they do something wrong, showing behaviors, shouting, screaming and crying. But in that all, they have taught me patience too. After few minutes when I see a smile there on their faces, I feel relief from frustration and stress.

I thank God blessing me with two nice and lovely sons. I pray God to bless them happiness, lots of love, intelligence, good nature and healthy life. I feel a completeness when they are standing with me and showering their love on me.