What is changed?

On 13th May 2014, my son has completed his 8 years of his life. I started this blog in 2011, when he was 5 years old. I was just reading my first post in this blog post Tanishk and was trying to find out what has changed in these 3 years. My son is now 8 but still he does a lot of things same as I mentioned in my first blog.

After my first blog, I have written several posts about his developments and behaviors. I had experienced both - good and bad moments. But when I try to analyze that how far I have come and what did I achieve in these 3 years, I have mixed thoughts in my mind.

When I see my son behaviorally, he is the same boy as he was 3 years ago. He still doesn't want to comply. He runs here and there, he is so hyperactive, doesn't sit still, jumps on trampoline and mattress (now he has company, his brother also jumps with him). He is still gadget freak. I have written series posts about this - Computer Stimming. The difference is that now it has converted into IPad Stimming. (I will write more about IPad stimming in my next posts.) Still he has verbal stimming - keeps saying things he had heard through various sources - TV, Computer, Videos, Therapists, Teachers, Parents, Grandparents etc. Still my most of the time goes in prompting and redirecting him.

First blog post - (He doesn't want to comply. He runs here and there & he is so active that he can't sit still. He jumps every where - on the mattress too. He wants to watch same videos, listen same music, computer on & off, goes into the settings of any gadget and just selecting anything. Flapping his hands and holding things in one hand are still there. If he is given a pencil or pen and left unattended, he will scribble everywhere even on the table or floor too. He has got verbal stimming, he just keeps saying the things he had heard through various sources - TV, Computer, videos, therapists, teachers, parents etc. My all the time goes in prompting and redirecting him.)

When I analyze my son's skills he has learnt in these 3 years -

He has learnt basic skills (brushing teeth, washing hands & face, buttoning his shirt, using microwave and toaster, etc.), reading the books, spelling, writing sentences. math (simple addition), catching the ball, throwing the basketball into the basket, playing wii games, etc. Few skills he is still learning - reading comprehension, tying the shoe laces, skating, riding the bike, scooter, board games etc.

But the thing is that he is not interested in anything and he is not curious about anything. He has learnt everything but does only when told to do so. He himself just wants gadgets (iPad, computer, etc.) and he can sit with them hours. He will just forward videos and continue clicking the buttons to repeat the same dialogue / music / noise / tune. Yes, in between he plays games too - Angry Birds, Cut the rope, Appmates etc., but most of the time he just stims with videos and audio.

He has learnt new behaviors too - He knows that he is doing something wrong. When he starts to stim, he gives us a look like he is telling us that  I am going to do what I want. When we stop him doing anything or restrict the access to something, he starts to shout, scream, bang and hit his younger brother. He has become little bit manipulative too. He knows where the things are kept and starts to search for. He knows what upsets us and he does that knowingly.

I have heard and saw that electronic gadgets are good for these kids. They help them to communicate and learn new skills. But I don't think they are helping him. I tried a lot of apps for him, but no success. He learnt but memorized everything. His mind is full of videos, music, different kinds of noises, dialogues, teachers and parents' words etc. and keeps repeating those things again. Like he is playing video in his mind again & again. In this situation, he is not able to learn anything new. If he learns, it is mechanical or memorized. So, I don't know how far we have to go.

Awesome Moments

My son started to speak when he was 2.5 years old. He learnt to ask things he wanted like water, cookie, soda, chocolate, etc. Now he is 7 years old and still most of the time he used his speech to ask for something or he keeps talking to himself repeating the sentences (vocal stimming) or he does scripted talks.

We don't have any conversations with him. When we start talking to him, most of the time it converts in question answer session instead of meaningful conversations. He doesn't ask any questions or doesn't show any curiosity in anything except electronic gadgets.

But always he was lovely and affectionate boy. He liked hugging and squeezing. He is very calm and happy boy. He shows only the tantrums when he doesn't get his favorite thing - iPad or iPhone. Since few months, I have seen major changes in him. He is being more affectionate than earlier. He started to ask for more hugs and squeeze.

Lately, he started to show his affection in new ways. He started to kiss me all the time, whenever he feels to. I love how he kisses me. He says - "I want to give a big kiss." Now, kissing has become his obsession. He kisses me like a lover - he holds me tightly and kisses me on the cheek. He keeps kissing me everywhere - even at public places. (Personally, I enjoys his kissing as that gives me a great pleasure. I feel a bond with him.)

I was also worried as he tells his wants but doesn't tell his feelings and pains he is going through. But 3-4 days back he himself started to tell us if he is hurt. Two days back he told us that something is stuck in his teeth and he himself pointed where is the actual problem. Earlier, we always used to keep guessing where he has problem.

Yesterday, weather was good so we went to park. Both brothers were enjoying. There was a balance bar on which kids have to balance themselves when walking on. Earlier I used to force him to walk on it and he used to walk away from it. Yesterday, he came to me and called me - "Mumma, I need you" and take me to balance bar to help him. I felt very happy.

Today morning, when he was taking shower, suddenly water became cold. He called me - "Mumma, I want hot water." In the evening, he went inside the bedroom. The light was off and he came to me - "Mumma, I want light on."

These were my awesome moments. Atleast he is coming to me when he is in need. He is expressing himself and he is now feeling confident in coming to me for help. I really feel great. I hope he starts to initiate talks too.

"Autism And A Dad" by Yash Gupta

Initially, when I started writing in this blog in April 2011, I wanted to share my feelings, experiences and knowledge with this world. Writing the blogs helped me to deal with my frustration and stress because of my son's autism. I am not a big writer, but I wrote whatever I felt. I expressed all my feelings, sorrow and joy here. Those were mom's views.

Actually, my husband has a big hand in dealing with autism. He was only the person who found that our son has autism. He came to US early, did all the research here, applied for the early intervention. He was the one who did all the research, paper work, appointments with the doctors, insurance, hiring the therapists, fighting for the private school, visits to the schools and so much.

My husband has written and published a book on this Saturday - "Autism And A Dad". He has explained everything and much more in detailed. We both are working as a team supporting each other. These blog posts are a mother's views, But the book tells how a father thinks about autism world. I hope this book will be a great help for all the people. especially dads.

Please check it out - Autism And A Dad